Chuck Norris. Arguably the most terrifying human being on the planet.
I just found some “Chuck Norris-isms” surfing the web and they made me laugh so hard that I just covered the screen of my laptop with Muffin and Tea. Here’s a few of my favourites:
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of species that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back.
- Chuck Norris was once stopped at a military checkpoint in western Russia. Moments later Soviet Russia collapsed and the cold war ended. You do not stop Chuck Norris on a beer run. Ever.
- Chuck Norris does not eat legumes of any kind. The resultant flatulence would kill every living thing in the western hemisphere.
Chuck Norris: America's last line of defence
4 Comments
November 8, 2009 at 6:41 pm
“Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.”
For some reason this one almost made me fall of my chair…
November 8, 2009 at 10:24 pm
“Chuck Norris was once stopped at a military checkpoint in western Russia. Moments later Soviet Russia collapsed and the cold war ended. You do not stop Chuck Norris on a beer run. Ever. ”
November 10, 2009 at 10:26 am
“Norris really is a talentless tosspot. If he shows up here, I’ll kick his arse and shave his beard off.” Simon Cowell
There… that should provide a useful service to mankind.
November 10, 2009 at 3:15 pm
You heard it here first, folks.
Simon Cowell is soon to be found headless on account of a roundhouse kick attack.